安田 紗代 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rootoflove) wrote2020-05-07 04:46 am
rootoflove) wrote2020-05-07 04:46 am
IC continuations - emotionshare
gonna be some nsfw in here
[from here]
Be quiet. I said I'd show you, didn't I?
[the disgust and shame are so strong now it feels like she's going to suffocate on them, but she keeps stripping anyway
under the clothes, with no illusions active, her body is made entirely out of wood, like a mannequin - and like a mannequin, it's smooth and featureless aside from some old-looking cracks in the wood, with no visible sexual characteristics or anything]
See, it's nothing to think about that way in the first place, right? Just wood, just furniture.
Be quiet. I said I'd show you, didn't I?
[the disgust and shame are so strong now it feels like she's going to suffocate on them, but she keeps stripping anyway
under the clothes, with no illusions active, her body is made entirely out of wood, like a mannequin - and like a mannequin, it's smooth and featureless aside from some old-looking cracks in the wood, with no visible sexual characteristics or anything]
See, it's nothing to think about that way in the first place, right? Just wood, just furniture.
Edited 2020-05-07 01:52 (UTC)
[ there isn't any shock or anything, but instead a slow unfurling interest that starts as a mild curiosity and escalates into something almost manic. A swirling of too many thoughts, not anxiety, not anticipation, but like what it must feel to be so close to an epiphany but not be able to grasp it at all ]
[ and he can't help but laugh, it isn't mocking or cheerful but the kind of laugh someone gives when there's no real words to a reaction ]
You're a very talkative chair.
You're a very talkative chair.
...Is that all you have to say?
What do you want me to say? Be repulsed, think of you as something different than what you were? As if I had been thinking of your body in a certain way before.
[ spreads his arms a little, palms up in an almost euphoric gesture before dropping them to his sides ]
Say, what value do you see in life?
[ spreads his arms a little, palms up in an almost euphoric gesture before dropping them to his sides ]
Say, what value do you see in life?
[that is exactly what she wanted him to say, or expected, or feared
but fine since this seems to be the entirety of his reaction she's getting dressed again]
Do you mean life in general, or mine specifically?
but fine since this seems to be the entirety of his reaction she's getting dressed again]
Do you mean life in general, or mine specifically?
It isn't a bad view, you know. Really, all bodies may as well be wood.
[ his voice is. off, but his feelings don't change and he has to mentally back up ]
Hm. Yours, I guess. You're still here, after all.
[ his voice is. off, but his feelings don't change and he has to mentally back up ]
Hm. Yours, I guess. You're still here, after all.
...My life has no value. No, to be more accurate, its value is negative.
That's pretty pathetic.
-What were you hoping for? Some defense, something about why it's okay for me to exist?
It isn't! Just by being born, I brought nothing but pain and sadness into the world! So of course it's pathetic, because my life is pathetic!!
It isn't! Just by being born, I brought nothing but pain and sadness into the world! So of course it's pathetic, because my life is pathetic!!
Yes.
I've been wondering it myself, what's the point of someone 'like me' living or existing. You seem to still be here, so what keeps you here?
I've been wondering it myself, what's the point of someone 'like me' living or existing. You seem to still be here, so what keeps you here?
...I intend to graduate and gain a wish. I'll use it to change the past so that I never existed.
That's even more pathetic than I imagined. What have you done that's so criminal? If it's simply 'oh my presence is disgusting' then you probably need to figure out a better excuse.
[ he's not even that judgmental or mocking, despite the words, but there is a heavy layer of bitterness ]
[ he's not even that judgmental or mocking, despite the words, but there is a heavy layer of bitterness ]
Many people died because of me. Because of me, their souls were tormented in Purgatory for an eternity. Because of me, their loved ones wept.
So you wish to disappear with no guarantee that their lives will be better, instead you self-centeredly believe simply your absence is better. How do you know you weren't the lesser evil and the other one hasn't happened in your timeline simply because you took its place?
I'm not so naive as to think that nothing bad will happen in a world without me. It's even possible that it really would be worse somehow.
Do you want me to admit that the risk I'm taking with my wish is selfish? It is, of course. While I hope that it will save those people I killed, ultimately it is to save myself.
Do you want me to admit that the risk I'm taking with my wish is selfish? It is, of course. While I hope that it will save those people I killed, ultimately it is to save myself.
Is this a secret that hurts to keep? Or do you love self-flagellation and pity seeking.
The former. The only reason I told you these things was because I was not expecting any pity.
You can't save yourself if you don't exist.
I can't be saved as long as I exist.
"ultimately it is to save myself." hmmm?
I meant what I said. The only salvation possible for me is oblivion.
Contradiction, but acceptable enough, I guess.
There's no contradiction for me. In any case, I did not bring you here to have you accept it.
I know. You wouldn't care about my opinion unless it was disgust or revulsion.
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